(This was a conversation that I want to remember so I wanted to get it written down as quickly as possible while it was still fairly fresh in my head.)
In the car afterschool today:
Luke: We had prayer service today, but it was dark and we looked at pictures. We can go to church on Good Monday (he meant Friday) and look at pictures and when we are done we can kiss the statue of Jesus.
Me: Oh so you looked at the Stations of the Cross in church?
Luke: Yes
(quiet)
Luke: Mommy, will you die?
Me: Yes, I will. Everybody dies, but we will live a long time yet and spend lots of time together.
Luke: You will die?
Me: Yes, but not for a long time when I am very old.
Luke: When you are 100?
Me: Wouldn’t that be cool if I was 100 years old? That would be a pretty great life.
Luke: (laughing)Daddy will die because he is way older than us.
Me: (laughing) Maybe, but he will be around for a long time still.
(pause)
Luke: Will you come back?
Me: No, but I will be in heaven waiting for you.
Luke: I will go to heaven?
Me: You will, but not for a very long time.
Luke: Why won’t you come back?
Me: When you die, you go to heaven to see Jesus and God and the all of the angels and it is so beautiful.
Luke: What is it Mommy? What did you say?
Me: (I repeated myself.)
Luke: Where will we live there?
Me: Oh, I bet they have some pretty neat houses in heaven.
(pause)
Luke: You know the good superheroes get rid of the villains.
Me to myself: I guess our conversation about heaven and dying is over.
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I immediately got a terrible feeling in my stomach when Luke asked if I was going to die. I wasn’t expecting this conversation and how sad for a little boy to think about his mommy not being here. But then it made me smile to have this conversation with Luke. I shouldn’t be surprised that he was asking these questions. He is very inquisitive and it is the Easter season. He is learning at school and from Wally & I, through Easter books we have been reading, that Jesus died for us and then came back. I am sure there is some confusion since he knows Jesus died and came back, but then I said I wouldn’t be coming back. I just followed his lead though and did not give him more information than he was asking for or could process.
Hopefully I answered his questions in a way that lets him know I am not going anywhere anytime soon, but when we do die, there is a special place for us (so long as we deserve it, right?).
What I do know for sure, though, is that Wally and I have a very special little boy.